Yawn, literally

Mom discovered that she could make me yawn on command yesterday, and it was kind of fun to yawn when she yawned. Yet, of course, as soon as I am on video trying to do it, it only works once, boring. Anyway, here is the yawn of a video, with everyone yawning but me...

Why Being a Dog ROCKS!

Mom is shivering, and I'm laughing at her, because as a dog I'm not bothered. The house is cold, because the painters came and painted up everything and none of the windows can be shut right now. And the sun may be out, but it's only 8 degress (Celcius, you colonials!). But all I have to do is turn off my shedding and chase the sun across the floor, and I'm just fine!

And there are side benefits to having so many windows open. Like at night, while Mom and Dad are being boring, I can chase all the little bugs that fly in! So much fun! And, I can hear whatever's going on outside, so I can be super-vigilant and let my parents know if anyone is going by our yard. I feel like that's pretty important information to know.

Mom's been complaining so much, though, that I've been perfecting a special look to give her: The Sideways Glance of Disdain.

Some of us like the windows open, Mom! Woof!

Home Alone with Dad

Well, I am home alone with Dad for the weekend, its day 2 of momlessness, and I think Dad and I have just got the hang of it. Mom left this weekend for Birmingham, for another bellydance thing. Luckily she let dad off the hook this time since she had previously dragged him to Blackpool, so I got to stay home with him rather than be sent away. I didn't even realize what was going on- I just assumed mom was leaving for errands or class or something.

Yesterday morning we were all in bed at 7; when in my doorbell like fashion, I sprang out of bed and ran downstairs barking. Mom went to see who it was- surprise! It was painters that our landlord sent to dress our windows. Well, mom and dad didnt let me meet the painters, and then the backyard was off limits for me most of the day until the paint dried. Mom took off at 11 and it was just me, dad, and painters- so I didn't really notice what was going on. I acted out for mom not being around and not being allowed outside.

I did my crazy poo dance, and tore up the carpets, etc. Dad finally got so tired of me that he took me out for a run to calm me down, which worked. We then spent the rest of the night watching Ghost Rider. When it was late, and about time to go to bed, I realized mom still wasn't back. Dad was reading Sharpe in Bed, and I was with him, but I kept whining to go out, and barking at every little noise I heard, hoping Dad would get out of bed and open the door for mom. It was wierd, she wasn't there.

Anyway, now it is Sunday morning and Dad says mom will be back today, so I am much calmer, and am just sleeping in the sun...

Dog Wrestling

Crazy! Two days ago I ate about 6 bowls of food, human food, and treats, but just lay around all day tired and acting depressed. Yesterday, I was going crazy! Litterally bouncing off the walls, and parading my blankets around and hitting things because I kept tripping over them. I was jumping up on mom and dad and biting and barking and being crazy!

As you can see in the photo above, I was dog wrestled into calmness. My parents tried to calm me down, but nothing woudl do it! Dad usually does the dog wrestling, but mom got hers in yesterday. You can tell by my face that I am thrilled mom can wrestle me down...

Anwyay, Dad finally took me for a run at night, and I dropped like a log. Hyperactivity is tiring. Just like a kid I had my sugar crash (oh yeh, sugar- mom was giving me rice krispy treats!!!) Just kidding, it was Dad. Mom doesn't give me human food, but dad told me to say it was her.

Anyhoo... I am now going to go and pass out in bed again with mom, who still isn't up yet, even though Dad is about to get in the shower and go to work! (Its awesome). Basically, I like mom more than dad, but dad gives me food...

Master McCrazy

Ben here- Winston is still asleep in my spot on the bed. Yesterday when I went to bed I discovered Winston fast asleep on Jaci's pillows. Not caring, because they weren't my pillows, I got into bed- the dog didn't move. This morning I wake up, and the dog is next to my head! Not only that, but he has my blanket, I don't have any, and he is pushing me away with his paws!

As you can imagine, that didn't last long considering that I outweigh him by like 220 lbs, he got chucked, unceremoniously under the covers, down by my feet. I then woke up to go make coffee, and get ready for work, and he was still under there. I patted him and left. But when I came up to get a sweatshirt (It is August, and I think we need to turn on our heater again- it is a high of 12 degrees today!) and where is dog? but in my spot.

He is so cute now... but when he grows up, he better not be on my pillow, I'll tell you that much! I would have tossed him in his kennel right then and there , if he hadn't been puking a lot lately, and Jaci complaining about how hard it is to clean the kennel gets on my nerves...

You got to love the dog, but soon he is going to be spending some more time outside in the garden thinking about how dogs should behave...

Sleeping in Bed

I have finally coerced my parents into letting me sleep in bed with them! Basically I whine, and bark, and make a racket everytime they put me into my kennel, and behold- I am in the bed! They hav even finally given up on trying to put me into the kennel for even part of the night! As a luxury dog, I require a bare miniumum of 100 thread count sheets, comforter and duvet. I don't think this is too much to ask, seeing as how I am doing the vital job of keeping their legs warm.

Dad thinks that I am willing to sleep in my "spot" (shown in the above picture). Often times when we all get into bed, I will head up to the top of the bed for goodnight kisses and licks. But really, I am going up there to see if I can get some pillow. I mean if dad and mom have pillow, why can't I? I think that is just rude that they don't give me any! Dad gets tired of it after a while, and sends me to the bottom of the bed by pushing me and saying: "go spot", but I don't care, I fight back by twisting and biting and whining. I have gotten to the point, where now I can sleep between the two of them at night.

Another place I like is under the covers. I actually will go to my spot under the covers, so I can lean up on their feet, but if I am in the middle, I like touching them both. Mom and Dad say that I am tryiing to push them off the bed, but really, I lie in the middle so I can cuddle them both at the same time, then either mom or dad will flip over, and I have to stretch to reach them! This makes it look like I am crowding the bed or pushing them off, but really I don't want either of them to feel left out.

To be fair, mom does this to dad, even when I am at the bottom of the bed, she'll try to cuddle him, he'll roll, and he ends up with no blanket, and no bed, and she has most of the bed! It used to be worse back when the bed was against the wall, because then dad or I would be smashed up against the wall which is not fun.

Also not fun- sunlight in the morning! It gets bright early here during the summer, I mean 4 am early, so even if I am not under the covers at night time, come 4 am, I am heading under- I have to crawl up onto dad's face, then nudge him until he opens up the covers enough, so I can get in. Then I crawl and cuddle on his legs until he opens them so I can be between his calves- then he can't roll so much and knock me about, plus I actually get air that way.

Dad gets up early- around 615, this is also disappointing, because then I have to go downstairs to gaurd him while he makes coffee, but as soon as he sits down to watch the news- bang! I am upstairs and back in bed! I could stay there all day!

Woof!

Rain, Rain

Its raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring, got out of bed, bonked his head, and now its four in the morning... and I'm barking!!!

I can't let my parents sleep at a time of such great rain! Not that I would go out in the rain myself, I don't like getting wet, I am a luxury dog, and do you know what that would do to my beautiful coat? Anyway, the rain brings all sorts of fun things out, like snails to eat, and birds to play with, its exciting!

Two nights ago wasn't so exciting, though, I puked four times during the night, the first time on the comforter. Mom took care of me and cleaned up the puke all four times- dad was grumpy though because he lost his blanket and then mom took the other blanket away from him because she was grumpy he wasn't cleaning puke. To be fair- dad was the one who fed me the corn cob that probably led to my puke fest, but he had to go to work in the morning and mom didn't...

Mom was revenged, though, when the next morning, as dad was cleaning the kitchen, the garbage bag split open spilling trash water and rotten watermelon all over the place!

Whats a dog to do? Its getting dirty and wet in my kingdom! Honsestly, you think they would tidy up a bit, as a luxury dog, I don't like filth...

Woof!

New Friends

Sorry for the week of no writing- I have been feeling sick. Actually, everyone in the house has been sick- Mom is a little ill, and Dad is getting over something that was very fatiugy. Me? I was just puking all over the house 5 or 6 times a day...

But now I have new friends, and I am happy again! On Saturday night two people from Maryland came to stay at my house, and have been here for 3 days so far! They are great, and they play all the time with me, the only problem is my stuffy parents, who lock me in their room at night to sleep. I just sit and whine and keep them up all night, I think it is working, soon they will let me sleep with my new friends! They like to wrestle, and play, and its good fun.

Also, they noticed something- my eyes are blue! There has been a lot of speculation, but you can look at the above picture, and everyone should see that my eyes are blue! Yay! I am the first dog that they have seen that has blue eyes!

Woof!

Pooscapade

Well I finally got my aroma de chien all sorted out and perfect when I got the bath attack! It was awful! I haven't had a bath in a month or so, and everything on me was starting to smell good again. Then, the best thing happened when Mom and I were going for a run along the canal- I spotted (well, sniffed) a pile of new goose poo! Before my mom knew what was happening, I rushed into the bush, started rolling and rubbing my head in it! I smelled like a new dog!

Mom was disgusted, but really didn't notice that much. I was feeling great, smelling good, ready to go look for some ladies... when Dad got home. I ran, excited that he should smell my new parfume which is much better than any eau de toillette (unless something is in the toillette). Needless to say, I ran excited to jump on him, and ended up scraping against the wall leaving a trail of poo on it. Now, both Dad and Mom could see AND smell what had happened.

Instantly I was rushed up to the bath, mom even got in with me, held me down, and scrubbed me three times! It was awful, all that hard work. Dad washed the wall (he was dressed in a suit and tie because of his interviews).

Luckily, even with all the scrubbing, mom missed a spot in my ear! Dad now calls me stink ear, but they have let me have it there!

Lazy Days...

It is something called "Zero-Week" here in Oxford, and apparently that means that the dog gets zero attention. I have spent most of my time in the above position: finding sun where I can, moving around the house as the sunlight spots through different windows. I start in the office, then go downstairs to the dining room, then back upstairs to mom's office, then downstairs to the bay window- and that is all I do now. It is terrible!

Mom and Dad are being so boring! Dad leaves in the morning, comes back, makes breakfast, cleans up. Mom gets up, and starts reading or tapping on her laptop. They eat breakfast, then Dad starts reading too! Then both Dad and Mom start clacking away on their computers (not giving me any time on them, which is why I am blogging so infrequently!). Then Dad will go out and run errands, mom showers around 1, Dad comes home, they make lunch (barely giving me any of it), then Dad cleans up again, and mom goes back to reading. Only twice this week did they take a break to cuddle on the couch and watch movies with me! (Singing in the Rain- 2 paws up, but they should have had a dog in it and Little Miss Sunshine- I give maybe a half a paw, I really didn't understand it, plus I had a carrot to play with during the movie).

So now I just sit around entertaining myself, chasing my tail, chasing the sun, etc. Luckily now the dog door is open because the weather is nice, so I can come and go outside as I please, I think I have brought an entire tree's worth of sticks through the door to chew on mom's "good blanket"!

Woof!

Winston Bengfort: Worldwide Phenomenon

You know, it's hard being a dog with such a large fanbase. I'm not bragging, either. I have Facebook friends from around the world, and even people who have never met me ask to be my friends. It's a lot of pressure on a young pup, but I try not to let it go to my head.

In fact, I make a point of being extremely welcoming whenever someone new comes to my house. I jump up and greet them. Sometimes, I even grasp their shirt sleeves ever-so-gently with my teeth and tug, so they know they are free to play with me on the floor. On Easter, while I was outside during dinner for some odd reason, I serenaded my fans from the garden. I'm a dog of the people.

With my friendly and fun demeanor, I figure I'm poised to be a star along the lines of a Gromit, a Clifford, maybe even a Lassie. To that end, I've been practicing my speaking voice. I often go to Dad and give him a titbit (that's how we Brits spell it) of information. He's getting better and better at decoding: for instance, the other day I told him "Ah roo! Roo! ROO! Yip." Which as you know means "Stop encouraging Mom to put me in the shower and run the water so I stop eating the drain guard!" He said, "What!? Timmy fell in the well?!"

He got that there was water involved. So I think the main thing I need to work on is training my Dad.

The Angle for the Bed

Photo: Dad and I sleep on the... couch?

Every night I try to make a play to go to sleep with Mom and Dad on their bed upstairs. Usually I am unsuccessful because they are never in bed before I get put away in my kennel. I mean, who really wants to sleep on the couch anyway- that is the only place that I ever get to sleep with them, otherwise its the kennel! Actually that is a good point, when mom and unfold the futon to sleep on- usually when I am sick or someone is staying over- I have managed to get a permanent place on the futon for the whole night, by whining until they let me out to sleep with them! However, I can't do that when they go to bed, because I am in my kennel and they are upstairs.

However, I did discover one method. I found myself waking up at about 4 am regularly because I had to go potty again- I am just a little puppy with a little bladder. To my surprise, barking twice usually got one of them down there quickly to let me out! I also discovered that if Dad came down, and I shivered a little bit, low and behold I was heading up to bed with them to sleep until morning!

It all started because dad was in charge of getting me up in the morning. He would get up, read the Bible, wash the dishes, drink coffee, and I would sleep on his lap. A few mornings, however, he would be very tired, because of a late night, etc. So he would allow me upstairs in bed for a half an hour or so. Soon I figured out that if he left the door open I could just bolt upstairs and jump into bed with mom. Finally it progressed to the point where when Dad came down, briefly, at 4 am, rather than go back into my kennel, I would go upstairs because he was too sleepy to catch me! However, if mom came downstairs, it was back in my kennel.

Last night, I thought I had one a victory- to spend the whole night in bed. I was put into my kennel as usual, and Dad locked up and turned out the lights. About 15 minutes later, when they were both in bed, there was a banging downstairs. Mom sent Dad down to investigate (turned out just to be the heater restarting and was causing creaking in the furnaces), but because Dad walked past me, I sat up and started shivering. He opened the kennel to comfort me, and like a bolt I was upstairs and in bed with mom! Well Dad just got into bed again, and he and mom had a discussion about what Cesar Milan would think, etc. etc. She called him a big softie, but after ten minutes, she took me back downstairs to my kennel. (Despite my best puppy dog eye attempts on Dad...)

4 AM I started barking, and guess who came down? Dad!

Woof!

My Two Favorite People (Besides my Parents)

I just wanted to give a friendly "woof" to my two favorite people besides my parents- Alex and Nick! I love them quite simply because they will play with me for hours and never get tired, and because Nick will let me chew anything! (His watch, his belt, his shoes...) I have even been to Nicks house! They are definitely Dog's Best Friends!

Nick was actually the first of my parent's friends that I met. He'll play with me by wrestling, and he even let me completely chew the strap off his leather watch. I started on his belt too, but he left before I could finish. It seems like the guy is made of leather! He definately does not come over enough.

Alex came over last night, and played with me the entire time, he wasn't the least bit afraid of me, which some crazy people are, but he was great, he picked me up, threw my toys for me to fetch, played tug of war, taught me how to jump, and all sorts of stuff! He actually tired me out!

Usually I kick people out of my dad's chair when they come over. But Nick and Alex- you guys can sit in that chair all you want, you are my people! And sorry I didn't have a picture of Nick (thats Alex above at Christmas), but soon we'll have one because we are best buds!

Woof!

The TV

The TV, you might be surprised to find out, is one of my favorite things in the entire world! Don't get me wrong- I am not fooled by the noise or the colored pictures going across the screen. I know they aren't real, and to be honest, I am not sure why my parents are so infatuated with it, it seems a little ridiculous to pay attention to a gray box with funny noises that makes light, especially when I am so cute, and hanging out right there!

It is my favorite thing because when the gray box makes noise and flashes is light, I have the attention of my parents! They sit on the couch (my favorite place) and I can play, look out the window, or sleep on them. They'll throw my ball while watching TV, or pet me, and it is generally very comfortable. And- more importantly- they are home when that box is on! I don't like it when they leave, so that is very good, I think. When they are upstairs with those paper things that they read, or at the other light boxes that make sound (the computers I think) they just ignore me, and clatter away at those key thingys. Sometimes I get to sit on mom's lap, but they are usually absorbed, and I just have to chill.

The gray box downstairs is a wonderful thing. It is too bad that I heard they may be getting rid of it soon! I don't know why! They spend more time there than they do upstairs.

Fortress of Tentatude

Woof!

The boiler went out yesterday, which was very distressing for me, because I like the warm weather. Mom and Dad seemed upset that it was so cold, but they got to put on extra jumpers and hats, while I just had to suffer!

As it got colder, I just decided to sleep in my chair up in the office, where it is pretty warm. However, when Mom and Dad got done working, they decided that I needed to go to bed. After some discussion of whether or not I should sleep in my kennel in the cold, they decided that maybe I shouldn't, but rather sleep in their room.

I was really excited to hear this news, especially when dad changed and took me to his room! I immediately jumped into bed, but they had other thoughts in mind for my sleep, and it wasn't in their bed, which frankly, just stunk.

You see, sometimes in the morning when Dad is tired, or I wake him up too early because mom didn't let me outside long enough to do my business before bed. He takes me upstairs to sleep in bed with them for an hour or so before he gets up. I love this! I run all the way upstairs, and immediately jump into bed with mom, and get under the covers as fast as I can. When dad gets in bed, I find a nice, warm spot between both mom and dad and fall asleep instantly under the covers, its like a den away from my kennel- and super warm!

I figured this would be what would happen, because frankly I don't like blankets, because it makes it just look like there are people heads floating in bed with no bodies, because I can't see their legs, and so I was super excited.

Dad had another idea though:

First he just put my chair with the blanket into their room in the corner so I could sleep there. But I kept leaping into bed and digging under the covers so that I could make sure his legs were still attached to his head. Thinking I just wanted to be under the bed, he made me this: My Sheet Fortress!

It was really exciting, and I had a lot of fun in it, but it was so exciting I couldn't get to sleep! I just kept jumping in, jumping out, and playing in the tent, and under. But I didn't want a new den, so I kept trying to get into bed with Dad, where it was warm. Dad kept tossing me off, though, so I just went to play with mom while she continued to study.

I was fine with being in the tent fortress when Dad was just sitting there close to me, but when he got all the way into bed, I just wasn't having it!

Finally Mom tried to get me into bed to sleep there, but to be honest, I just wanted my own kennel back, so I asked to go downstairs, and ended up spending the night downstairs. Mom took my blanket with me, so I could still be under that, and it wasn't so cold with the blanket. However, I did learn my lesson, and woke Dad up by howling at 545 in the morning that way I could go to the bathroom, and then get back into bed with them! I spent the morning between Dad's hip and Mom's butt.

Although, I just have one last note. Mom said I looked like a princess in a princess bed. Wrong! I was a guard dog in his fort...

Living with Animals

Woof! I just had the very strange epiphany that I live with two very strange animals indeed. I mean, they are nothing like dogs, and yet I just allow them to run around my den all willy nilly! I feel like I have a good understanding about how they should behave in dog terms- but when you think about it, we are just different animals living in the same den!

First- why can't they go in the grass like everyone else?

Second- they eat so high up! They need to share.

Third- they never sleep when I want to, and when I want to play, they just sit in front of a coloured light box. (Yes- coloured, I'm English).

Fourth- They don't bite! They don't like it when I bite!

I see the other dogs with their dog parents, and they are the same as us, but different. That is as profound as I can offer, but I know something is up. I mean, maybe everyone else is just strange.

Have you noticed how similar I am becoming to mom and dad? I heard that dogs and their owners tend to look the same- it is coming true in our case! Which is good for them, because I am the hottest dog in all of England! I know dad is afraid that I am going to get a really big head, but so far so good!

I guess it is good that different animals can live together- it won't be Eden here until I can sit on the furniture and sleep with my kennel door open and use the toast maker, but every day we get a little closer!

Bark!